John Sanei – The Mature Masculine

We cater to your preferred by way of learning:

Check out John’s website here & order his book here.

For those who don’t know me, my name is John Sanei. I’m a speaker, an author, a trained specialist and I speak mostly on the future. I help organisations and governments understand the future.

I live in Cape Town. I’m on the prom right now and I’m walking between meetings which I do quite often, with my dog where I like to take him with me everywhere we go. And I’ve chosen the lifestyle here in Cape Town as a home base and I travel from here. But I wanted to chat today about cultivating the mature masculine. This idea that we all have a lion inside us. A mature, steadfast man. Somebody that is able to show up in this new, modern world with the right tools. And for the longest time I thought I was being a man and realised that I was actually being a cub, a boy.

Somebody who is in competition. Somebody who is comparing. Somebody who is consistently looking to be better than my competitors, and to be sexier to the opposite sex.

This I find out is just that of a constant competing game that really only cubs play. Lions on the other hand don’t have any competition. They’re in competition with themselves. They are in competition with becoming better at who they are. They are cultivating the mature masculine.

And this process of cultivating the mature masculine is an invisible job. It is not something that is seen on the outside. You know on the outside, it’s about the car we drive, the clothes we wear, the body we have. The hairstyles we have. And these outside characteristics are important, but often they are the only things that are measured and the only things that are given points to in the society we live in.

When we do this invisible work, when we heal relationships, when we heal and forgive ourselves by thinking about things that have been done that we weren’t so happy about. When we do these invisible tasks that are painful and difficult, this is the beginning of the road towards a mature masculine.

And these nuanced ideas around these invisible tasks that we take towards ourselves, start to show up slowly but surely in our actions and the way we actually come into the world. I’m 42 years old and for the first 40 years of my life I really didn’t realise that I was totally being triggered by a whole bunch of different circumstances that I was constantly comparing myself and I was constantly in competition with who was doing what. Besides that, I was aiming at the wrong things. I was aiming at making more money and being more successful which is what society tells us we need to do.

But when I reached 40 it was like a click that went on inside my head. It was almost as if I stopped competing. I stopped trying to aim for what I thought was popular and exciting and successful and I started creating an internal dialog around who I was, what I was about and becoming totally irreverent towards what was going on outside.

I didn’t care that other people were charging x, y and z for a talk. I stopped caring about what somebody else was thinking about or thinking about me or what they were wearing. I changed my style; I started talking about what I wanted to talk about. I fired all my staff. I got divorced which was hell of a painful. But I started realising that I had done all those things based on an ego construct.

And so this mature, masculine drive is what I urge you all to do. I urge you not to wait till 40 like I did. Or to wait to get divorced. Or to go through something really painful. But really get to grips with understanding what does it look like to cultivate my mature masculine.

I’ll be making more videos and I’ll be sharing more thoughts on this but I thought just as a starter, for us to start asking the right question around what does it mean to be this modern man? What does it mean to show up in this world as somebody who is strong, powerful and sensitive and fragile? It’s all about the invisible work. It’s all about the mature masculine. 

I look forward to chatting again. Goodbye from a beautiful winter day in Cape Town. Ciao gents.

Erik Kruger

Erik Kruger

CEO at BetterMan
Founder and CEO of BetterMan. Obsessed with making men unstoppable. Currently completing my Masters in Business and Executive Coaching.
Erik Kruger

Latest posts by Erik Kruger (see all)

About Author

Erik Kruger

Founder and CEO of BetterMan. Obsessed with making men unstoppable. Currently completing my Masters in Business and Executive Coaching.


  1. Rudi van Niekerk on

    This is so to the point. I truly have to focus on my inner self. I am still competing with every one on the out side!!!!

  2. Excellent topic:
    So much of what we do is ego based.
    The steps as I see them are:
    1. Let go of your EGO
    2. SHOW UP! The task of cultivating this Mature Masculine is thankless and invisible.
    3. Forgive yourself.
    4. Heal the relationships that are broken.
    Care to expand?
    What steps would you include or add?

  3. Def agree that it is a great topic and one I can relate to. The part I struggle the most with is to constructively criticize myself in my short comings. its easy for me to identify my strengths not so much my weakness. The thing that comes to mind for me is you don’t always know what you don’t know. How would you recommend going about identifying those aspects in a positive way? Once you have identified it then only are you able to work it 🙂

  4. That’s a powerful message. I love the fact that you are talking about th
    e big stuff no one else does. I’m half way through your book and didn’t realise how bad my internal dialogue was and how reactive I have been to what’s going on around me and in my head. Thanks for being a mentor and all the top class, life changing content

Leave A Reply